The older I am getting, the less willing I am to accept people’s selfishness… ESPECIALLY on a flight. I always find travel can turn even Mother Theresa into Donald Trump in certain situations… but I implore you to cling onto that ounce of lovely human being with all your might when you are up in the air.
Mate, we are all tired, we are all sweaty, we are all uncomfortable and we can all hear that baby crying, but I am literally holding onto everything I have not to turn around and shout at you if you are being a flight wanker.
So how do you avoid being a complete and utter Cockwomble while up in the air I hear you ask?
Don’t dig your legs into someone else’s back
I know you are crammed into the tiny Ryanair tin with barely anywhere to put your legs, but so is everyone else. You trying to lessen your discomfort by putting your legs up onto someone else’s seat is literally only increasing theirs. Now, not only do they have very little leg room but they literally have you kicking their back every couple of seconds.
On this topic… quit reclining so much!!
I can completely understand having a good old recline on a long haul flight when the lights go off for everyone to have a little sleep. But if you’re on a shorter flight and the person behind you could have a drink and other things on the table then you suddenly reclining out of nowhere is a douchebag move.
Only one simple thing is needed when it comes to reclining, and that is to turn around and ask the passenger behind you if they don’t mind you reclining so that you can make sure that it’s not going to cause bedlam for the passenger behind you by knocking everything off.
Please don’t shout over other passengers to talk to your pal
You’ve paid for your flight and you don’t want to pay extra to get to sit together – I get it, I don’t either. But come on pal, there is absolutely no need to shout over everyone to have a natter as we are all in the same boat. If you can’t swap seats with someone to sit together then the flights aren’t exactly the longest in the world to just wait to have a natter about it when you get off at the end.
Don’t be a barefoot bandit
There are very few things that get to me on a flight more than when someones sitting there barefoot. WHY? Along with that you get the people who walk through the flight in their socks right through to the toilet. Again, stop it.
Quit hogging the arm rest
The unspoken rule of flights is that whoever is sitting in the middle seat gets dibs on the armrests. They are literally squished in between two people… who are probably complete strangers to them and they don’t need you stealing the armrest on top of all the extra room that you have than they do.
Don’t talk to me about plane crashes
Once upon a time, my flight had been delayed for about an hour and a half while we were sitting on it, until we finally got told that the one we were on would not be leaving the runway and that we would have to evacuate and wait for a new plane. In the mean time, the random, crazy lady next to me decided to tell me stories about EVERY SINGLE plane crash that she had ever read about.
I’m not a nervous flier but you can literally bog the bog off if you are going to fill my head with that stuff while I am waiting for my plane to take off. Needless to say, when we switched planes, I also switched into an empty seat.
Please stop whinging every 5 minutes
Every ache, pain and ounce of boredom that you are facing, you bet that everyone else on that flight is also going through the exact same thing as you do. When you are sitting there overhearing someone whinge about literally everything, it becomes night on impossible to remain optimistic!
Stop getting lairy to the flight attendants
I don’t even need to expand on this one. They are literally doing their job and serving you thousands of feet up in the air. Don’t be a dickhead.
Don’t be someone that freshens up in their seat
You’ve been given your little bag with your toothbrush and toothpaste, and if you are really lucky then maybe an eye mask and some cosey socks too.
I get that you feel grim after a long flight but if you want to spray deodorant before you leave then PLEASE for the love of god go to the toilet an do whatever you need to do in there and not in your seat where you can spray another passenger.
Close your mouth when you chew
In fact, do this everywhere… not just on flights.
If you actually travel on flights without doing any of this then keep being you pal!