Every time I tell people stories, I am normally met with “only you, Lizzie”. I’m often getting myself into bizarre situations that my friends look forward to hearing about. In fact, only yesterday one of my friends described me as having a likelihood to Shosh from Girls by saying “if we were at a party, you would accidentally smoke crack & take your skirt off and I wouldn’t bat an eye” – Don’t worry though Mum, I’ve never smoked crack, accidentally or otherwise or taken my skirt off for that matter, so we good.
So anyway, I thought I’d throw together a little list of my most awkward, random stories whilst away. If you think we could be friends after all of my ridiculousness then head over and find me on Facebook, I’d love you to be part of the community!
Here goes nothing, here is my personal ranking of stories I love through to my favourite, most ridiculous times away. *Drumroll*
7. Pretty much any of the times we went out in Avezzano!
Avezzano is a small little town about an hour or so outside of Rome where I got to spend 6 months living and teaching with two of the bestest gals in the whole wide world. At the time it was a bizarre experience, which at times found us counting down the days until it was all over; but now I only ever look back on with the fondest memories.
But you see, here’s the thing about Avezzano, it is a weird place to suddenly start living in, I kept waiting to wake up as it was so far from any reality that I’d ever known. Nights out would be full of people that didn’t understand a word that you were saying, which, my bad, I wish I knew more Italian at the time — but you were like a shiny toy that they had to play with. Nights out were always fueled with plenty to drink, getting tugged around by random Italian men like the ones framing the picture above who had seemingly forgotten what the word ‘no’ meant. It could be awkward, but it was also hilarious.
6. “Throw crisps at her!!”
This is Kayleigh back when we were living in Madrid together. Well we didn’t live together, together but we lived there at the same time, so we would often meet up on Sunny days such as this for beer, wine & chats.
As our days so often did, one of them was escalating as we got pulled into an Irish stag do… in the Irish pub. Things were all going swimmingly until one of the blokes knocked her red wine all over here cream trousers. Now I don’t know how I would react if I knocked a glass of wine over a strangers cream trousers, but it would never ever be as good as how they reacted.
Time sped up, there was probably some laughing on my part, some weeping over the spilt and wasted wine on Kayleigh’s AND THEN it all went 0-100 really quick because all I could hear was “Quick! Throw crisps at her!!”, before Kayleigh was suddenly pelted with crisps from all angles.
It was strange & beautiful. It didn’t get the wine out of the trousers the way that they had hoped it would, but they did buy her more wine, so it all ended pretty well.
5. Raising hell in Spanish.
Pretty much every human ever has either dated a moron, or knows someone who has. I’m not really the arguing and shouting type, but if one of my friends is dating a massive Twatty McGee then I’m probably going to have a pop at him at some point or another as one of my friends found out in Italy.
Hear me out though, this guy was awful… worse than awful. He lied at every given opportunity and constantly put my friend through hell, sooo obviously, once I’d had a couple of drinks I found it very difficult to bite my tongue.
Picture the scene. It was a dark Summer’s night, probably a Friday. Everyone is outside having drinks and having lots of fun and then he comes along and keeps talking to my friend like crap. As soon as I thought that I wouldn’t say anything to him, I had to say everything to him. The problem though was that I didn’t speak Italian and he didn’t speak English very well but we did both speak broken Spanish.
So that was the day that we had a screaming match in broken Spanish and had to get town apart by a bunch of people I didn’t know. It cracks me up every time I think of it though… sorry Daniela!
4. The person who cares more about my Vitamin C levels than anyone has ever done before him.
There was this one Hostel that I used to stay in, in Rome where this guy would show up every time I was there. He was one of my favourite parts of every stay, he’d just decide to up and take a break from the pizza joint that he worked in next door, come and find us, force feed us oranges & then get low.
Hopefully I will see him again to have my vitamin C levels topped up the next time I make it to Rome.
3. ‘It’s a match!’ And a pig named Claudia.
My favourite trip when I was living in Italy was probably when we went to Florence for Easter break, as the whole trip was just so full of wonderful moments. Our second night in Florence found us agreeing to meet up with the guy from Blablacar who was going to give us a lift to Rome when the trip was out. He told us to meet him by the Duomo at night so that he could take us to the place shown above to show us where the meeting point would be.
During the text conversation I asked him to send me a picture so that I knew who I was looking for as it was a busy place to meet, to which he proceeded to send me two shots of his face, one of his body and one in speedos. As if this wasn’t enough, when we eventually did meet up with him and his pal for a couple of drinks, my friend was 99.7% sure that he was a bloke that she’d previously matched with on Tinder. Turns out he was!
Unfortunately it wasn’t a match made in heaven between those two but we did like him for his bizarre chat and for taking us to great places. He even showed us videos of his pig, Claudia?!
The entire thing was a series of “What, how?!” moments. Starting from the first night when we thought it would be a good idea to grab a ride in a boat with two Venezian guys and some prosecco. The whole thing was pretty fun until they realised that neither myself or my friend were going to bang either of us and so dropped us off at the wrong side of the water to punish us. I then fell over a million times all the way home.
The next night we went out had us pulled into a lock in at a restaurant while the owner supplied us ALL the free wine whilst both him and the waiter fawned over my beautiful friend. We were treated to a body popping show and everything from the waiter. I found the entire thing hilarious, she was understandably creeped out so we got the hell out of there and gatecrashed a honeymoon. Not like a honeymoon of two, them and all there friends and Ros became besties with the bride for the night.
This led to me giving an American dude a long lecture about feminism and respect and “do you have a sister?” and all that jazz as he asked if I fancied a quick bang in the alley, which not very surprisingly, I wasn’t quite up for.
The next day we got a really grumpy, breakup-esque message from this guy we’d briefly met in the Street and agreed to lunch with, only to find that we had woken up too late and were struggling with hangovers.
Venice, you were awkward, you were bizarre and you were great!
1. Tears, cankles & red wine.
My number one top favourite was most definitely on the eve of my 22nd Birthday when I decided it would be a great idea to set off on what was meant to be 16 hours on a bus but actually turned into 23 hours… thanks, Spain!